EMAIL FROM A FRIEND
Sean,
I went to your website to have a look at onions and olives because i remembered them to be tasty and good. You succeeded at making your homepage much more weird and although I, your peer and on some weekends friend, am fond of things that are weird; others may consider you a dangerous addition to a studio. Any reference to Christ, humorous or otherwise, is probably unwise. The ASCII art, although resurgent in certain circles, may leave people wondering if you will install an underwater webcam in the studio toilet. Although there is a certain mystery to the homepage which is hip, i fear it may become the mystery of whether you have drained your balls 100 times a week or not at all (both are weird, unsure of which is worse). The ALT tag which brings up a “definition” for “selection of files” is patronising and aggressive. When prospect employers get a sense of this they will say things like: “I suddenly feel like hiring that girl we met at the Billy Blue exhibition, the one with the big tits and a pleasant, near submissive demeanor?”. Their colleague, in your defense, might say something like “but Vincent, that girl from Billy Blue isn’t half as talented as this young whipper-snipper” but it will be to no avail as Vincent doesn’t want to piss onto the webcam that, in his mind, you have already installed INSIDE his toilet. You can’t expect your future boss to be your soul-mate, one who understands your humour and shares your passion for irony and ASCII.
I say this because i care for you and if you care for Eloise and want to buy her nice things you will consider this with the high priority with which i have marked this email.
Regards
Adrian
***EDIT***
The weird homepage has since been replaced. I actually secured a good job soon after, making the purchase of many desirable items for Eloise possible. Thank you Adrian for your good intentions.
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